Here are the facts

I know I have had so many supportive people sending messages and texts about my ultrasound on Friday, so I wanted to write a short(er) blog letting you know how things went!

As nervous as I was on Friday, I just had this tiny feeling of all of this freaking out is going to be over in just a few minutes because everything is going to be ok. Boy was I wrong.

We got there and had to wait for quite a bit and to be honest when you make someone drink all of that water before hand, what a terrible idea to make them wait. I was dying. When we got called a young girl came and got us, and I was super surprised she was going to do my ultrasound. I mean listen I look like I am in high school still, but if I look in high school she looked in Junior High. I have no problem with younger people doing things like this, as long as they are qualified. I politely, as I could, informed her that my bladder was full and needed to go to the bathroom. She smiled and said that she would go get the actual ultrasound tech because she would be much faster. I had no idea she wasn’t the ultrasound tech!

Once the ultrasound tech came in, she measured whatever she needed too, but informed me that my bladder was quite full (yeah no kidding) and that they would have to measure everything else internally. FINALLY I got to go to the bathroom. When I got back the actual ultrasound tech said “this is so and so, she is a student at Owens and is going to be performing your ultrasound today.” I now realize after others have told me that I can request not to have a student, but I had no idea. Plus the way she worded it didn’t really give us an option.

I informed them that I was pretty nervous since we didn’t see the baby the last time. So she had the student look and after about 30 seconds said “well we see the gestational sac and yolk sac but no fetal … wait maybe that is the fetal pole… no never mind we see no fetal pole.” They then proceeded for over 30 minutes to pull and tug to find my ovaries etc. Looking for the baby lasted 30 seconds.

I have had several of the internal ultrasounds because of the last 2 miscarriages, so I am aware of how they are suppose to feel and how long they are suppose to last. I was in actual physical pain, enough to cause tears, during this ultrasound that lasted about 15 minutes too long. I have never been in physical pain during one of these before. Ever. I had enough pulling and tugging that when I got home, I was actually physically torn and it burned to pee. (TMI I know but it explains how crazy this ultrasound was)

When we got out to the car, I obviously started crying and Josh just said “we are not judging ANYTHING off of that ultrasound.” I realized in that moment that the ultrasound was not typical, even my husband who has been to every ultrasound, knew that what we just went through was weird.

So here are the facts:

I should have been about 7weeks 3days, based on when we are pretty sure I ovulated.

The Gestational sac was measuring like I was 6weeks 5days. (Assuming it was measured correctly, so not far behind at all)

I have had no bleeding or cramping. (Some spotting in the last few days, but they aren’t sure if that is from the painful ultrasound, and has stopped.)

My OB wants me to have another ultrasound anyways, because she didn’t feel like the pictures were clear enough.

Hopefully we will have another ultrasound on Friday and that will give us a better idea of what is going on.

All of my pregnancy symptoms (which are 3x as much as the last 2 pregnancies combined) are all still very present.

Thank you again to all of the supportive people who have contacted us. I am sorry if I wasn’t able to get back to you. We had some family things this weekend but also were taking some time to process.

We realize not seeing a fetal pole at 7w 3d, means there is probably a problem. But with all of the circumstances we are praying even for that small chance of a miracle. My God is big; we believe that it can happen.

Either way, we praise him regardless of the outcome. :)

(if you have any questions that I didn’t answer, please do not hesitate to ask!)