Hi, my name is (insert name here) and I Facebook stalk you.

Women.

We know we have our own language. We don’t need to be reminded of it.

If you have ever sat in a group of women talking, conversation seems to jump from one topic to the other, flawlessly, and then somehow end right back where it started, like it all tied in together. My husband purposely leaves the room (or turns the TV up) when my mom, sister and I start talking. Beyond his issues that we all sound exactly alike, talk alike, move our hands alike and the volume increases exponentially, he feels like we just talk in circles. We do. That is exactly what makes it wonderful in our eyes.

Along with our own special language, that only women seem to understand, we are oddly curious of each other’s lives (remember the crazy circles we talk). Now, some of this can get out of control and becomes gossipy. (Note: gossiping is bad.) But sometimes, we are just curious of your life events because MAYBE we have experienced it too and we want to share or lean on you for understanding.

We often stalk (yes sadly this is the correct word) Facebook, hoping that you have wrote about whether you got an epidural, how long you were in labor, OR if you experienced a (here’s that word again) miscarriage how you are doing.

So I am going to help you. You don’t have to stalk any farther. I am giving you the information, which I know you want to know… because I would want to know about yours!

Josh and I have been married nearly 3 years. It often seems like we have been married for 30 and yet at the same time feels like we flew through the last 3 years. Like most couples, 2 years was our magic number. A good time frame to get acquainted to being married and having some fun on our own, but still soon enough that we had something so exciting to look forward to. For me, I couldn’t wait to be a mom so the 2 years couldn’t come soon enough.

Most things that we put a time frame on, we quickly learn that God’s timing always triumphs our own. Therefore a year, 4 months and learning to pee on a stick later, we found out that we were expecting our first child. We were in the process of buying our first home and living in an apartment.

When I was approaching my 10^th week of pregnancy, I had some light spotting. I called the doctor right away. (Give me a break it was my first pregnancy) He told me right away that everything was normal and to come to my normal appointment the following week. In the next few days spotting turned to bleeding. My doctor told me to go to the ER. We received an ultrasound on this portable machine that looks old enough to have been used when I was born. The very nervous tech said, “Yep I see a heartbeat.” Then that was it. We were told some bleeding is normal for women and not to worry because the tech saw a heartbeat. Three days later, I woke up severely bleeding and they moved my appointment to that morning. There, everything was confirmed. No hearbeat. The precious baby had stopped growing at 7 weeks 6 days.

We chose to have this miscarriage naturally; I assumed my body was probably almost halfway there anyways. To my surprise it took an additional week to have the miscarriage.  Since this isn’t something that I knew anything about, we thought there may be a possibility that I was bleeding too much. So in the middle of the night Josh took me to the hospital. Everything thing had been confirmed that the miscarriage was complete and praise the Lord the bleeding was under control. Only my family and close friends knew of this pregnancy. So quietly, at home, with my amazing husband, we grieved.

Speed forward to that special “2 year” time frame. We decided after almost 9 months since the last miscarriage and just passing our 2 year anniversary, it was time to start trying. Now in the first few years of marriage, you try not to get pregnant. (yes I realize we were not successful at this) But when it came time to actually start trying actively, we had no idea where to begin. It took about 3 months to get pregnant. The day after thanksgiving, exactly 1 year to the day since we had found out about the 1^st pregnancy, we found out we were expecting again! What a blessing that getting pregnant is not an issue we suffer from!  (Or so we say right now)

Around my 7^th week of this pregnancy, our doctor (who we switched to and is AMAZING!) we were able to get an early ultrasound, and saw a beautiful little heartbeat and found out a due date! All of my blood work and HCG level came back normal. We were sure we were out of the woods. Then at our 11 week appointment, again there was no heartbeat. This precious baby had stopped growing at 8 weeks 6 days. There were NO warning signs for this. No spotting or bleeding. Only family and close friends knew about this pregnancy as well.

We were given the option to have some testing done on the baby and chose to go forward with that. One D&C and some testing later, we found out that our precious little GIRL had turner syndrome. It’s a syndrome where the baby is missing a chromosome needed to have a sustainable life. Turner syndrome is considered to be the cause of about 10% of all miscarriages, most likely the leading cause. Cool. Another stupid statistic we fall into. We also were told that my body is literally holding on to these babies even their heart is no longer beating, causing me to have MISSED miscarriages. Also another stupid small stat we fall into.

Speed forward nearly 6 months, and the first month trying, the Filler’s are expecting again! This time around I am on a prenatal vitamin, 4MG of folic acid, a baby aspirin and progesterone. I feel like a walking pharmacy. But I don’t care at all. This time we announced our pregnancy and openly ask for prayers. If we experience this again, we NEED the support system. If it doesn’t, I pray this gives hope to women who are so worried about ever having children

SO there is our long, and trust me I cut out a lot of details, story of where we are today. I am obviously sharing this because we don’t hear these kinds of stories. Where are all the grieving people also have stories that they WANT to share?

In the U.S. alone, over 700,000 babies don’t survive to be born each year. Millions of people must be mourning these losses.

 So, where are they?