"would you rather...."

Opinions. Everyone has them. Everyone deserves to have them.

Have you ever played the “would you rather…” games? It is a book of super random and weird questions and in a group of people you have to make a decision for yourself of which thing you would choose. It is tons of fun and full of laughs to listen to people’s opinions or reasoning behind their decisions. You tend to learn a lot about people or the way that they think. (WARNING: some people may legit freak out you after playing this game with them) It encourages you to have an opinion and speak it out.

Playing games like “would you rather…” is very fitting for growing up in American culture. You are taught from a young age to stick up for yourself and say what you think. When you get older you are encouraged to vote and voice your opinion. (I did for the first time this year and I felt like I truly mattered when placing my vote!) It is hard to decide where we went from being the kid that sticks up for themselves to the adult bashing people for the way they choose to live their lives.  But we have all been there.

I personally experienced the heart ache of someone choosing to be the adult that beats someone down for their life decisions in the last few years of my life. I am sure that I experienced it before in some manner, but before this, I was in high school and college where no one actually says what they think to your face. So I never really experienced it before in this capacity.

Josh and I found out we were pregnant for the first time after only a year and 3 months of marriage. It was a crazy time in life for us. We weren’t trying for a baby, we were smack dab in the middle of buying our first home, and josh had just switched jobs. How intimidating of a life change! I had some people excited, I had some nervous for us, and I actually had someone say “wow, what a stupid decision”. Hmm. Hurts a little just to read that doesn’t it.

Then we experienced the miscarriage. We kept it to ourselves and mourned. But part of my reason for going through it like we did was because I was so scared of hearing someone say, “well hey I guess it worked out for the best.” Seriously, there are people out there that say that to a woman who has just lost her baby.

The same went for our 2^nd miscarriage. At first we went through this process not talking about it. But after some time in prayer, about 3 days after my D&C, I realized I was done being afraid. Satan was winning. I thought this was all my fault. Maybe I shouldn’t have had a single cup of coffee (you can have 1 cup a day) or made sure I slept on my left side more or maybe... and so on and so on. I had taken something that was not my fault at all and allowed Satan to truly make me believe I had killed my child.

So I spoke out. I choose Facebook as my outlet. I told family and friends what was going on. I asked for prayers as our hearts were healing from our 2^nd miscarriage in one year. Now here is where the hurt comes. While I received an almost overwhelming amount of support, I had a few people that judged me for putting something like that on Facebook. After a few weeks of beating myself up for saying something I realized, each of the people who had opinions for my life decisions, were couples or women who had never experienced this kind of loss. They had children and had openly told me that they had never had a miscarriage but “this is really something too personal and weird for everyone to hear you talk about”.

Let me say this. I am a Christian. I am a firm believer in Jesus Christ and him dying for my sins on the cross. I am not ashamed of it. I also believe that every baby, no matter how small, in the womb or not, is a living person. I never really thought about it in depth until I had a miscarriage. That child was real. God KNOWS that child. So while I am pregnant this time, we are going to celebrate with everyone the living child growing inside of me. No matter if the baby stops growing at 10 weeks again or 24 weeks or lives a full long life, this baby’s life will be celebrated. If the baby passes away before the age of 90, I will mourn its loss. I am a mom. My husband is a dad. We already love this child and the 2 we have loss, very much.

I say all of that to say this. If I woman is 9 months pregnant, and her child is still born. Would you say “well maybe it is for the best?” or tell them not to ask for prayers while they go through a difficult time in life mourning the loss of their child? No. No person with a heart would say that to a grieving mother or father. So why say it to someone who is experiencing a loss at 10 weeks? That is 60 days (after finding out your pregnant) of waking up making sure you get breakfast in you to provide nutrients for your baby, 60 days of taking prenatal vitamins, an ultrasound seeing your baby’s beating heart, and 60 days of dreaming of what life will be like. It is real. The raw emotions of losing a child and the heartbreak that comes alongside of it are real. Even if you have never gone through it yourself, you can tap into the emotions of losing your own child.  What an awful feeling. For me, I have 2 children that I will not see until I am in heaven. I am comfortable talking about them, why aren’t you?

Be careful. Your opinions matter. But your opinions can hurt.